Celebrating Independence...

Today is Independence Day in the good old USA. It's been a great long weekend of food, fireworks and fun. Today I'm celebrating independence not only for our great country, but my personal independence from carbohydrate addiction. Like an alcoholic or drug abuser addiction to food and carbohydrates in particular is a one-day-at-a-time process. I'm pleased to say that after my relapse last summer into this past spring (yes, that long!) I'm now "clean" nearly 2 months. I've lost 15 lbs of the 57 I re-gained and I feel pretty darn good, even though the weight loss is a slow tedious process--more I suspect from the fact that I'll be 47 this month than any "golden moment" or other nonsense. A certain evil blogger who will not be named in my blog mentions something called HAES, which stands for Happy At Every Size-- like it's a bad thing. My question is, "Why is that a bad thing?" Sure, we all want to be at a goal weight, goal size, goal little black dress...etc. However, there is something to be said for making positive changes in your life that make you feel good physically, mentally and psychologically, irregardless of that number on the scale. Does being HAES make you a bad person? I don't think so. There is much more to life than a number on a scale or a tag on a pair of jeans. Too bad some folks just don't get it.

As some of you know, I have 4 days a year I make some sort of low carb treat for me and my son who live the low carb lifestyle. Those days are Easter, 4th of July, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Yesterday's offering was Reese's Peanut Butter Pie from Lauren's blog (http://www.healthyindulgences.net/2011/03/sugar-free-peanut-butter-cup-pie.html#more), where I get most of the desserts I attempt to make. This year, thanks to Glen Frederich (www.holdthecarbs.com) I was able to make my dessert without using sugar alcohols, which I don't tolerate very well. Glen makes a sweetener that uses Monk fruit from China and Stevia from Brazil. This sweetener is chock full of fiber! So, the pie turned out with 29 gm carbs for 1/10 slice with 19 gms of fiber for a net carb count of 10 grams for a 10th. I ate a tiny sliver and that was plenty--so maybe 7 carbs or so. That 's a picture of the finished product up in the top left. I'd forgotten how much I enjoy planning and preparing something special, because when you are in a relapse or binge state, nothing is special, it just is what it is. How's that for HAES??

Oh yeah, my profile pic is one of me and my sweet, silly granddaughter Londyn at the fireworks. Talk about the reason for staying "clean and sober" from mindless carb frenzy!

My week, Humanity and Rising Above

Haven't blogged in awhile, honestly I was quite disappointed with myself. I came back from the 4th annual low carb cruise re-energized and re-focused. I began induction anew with so much hope and dedication. Flash forward a month. Ate induction level carbs, average calories 1800 daily and I couldn't get into ketosis, and I lost 1.7 lbs, but I had no heartburn, no bloating and felt fantastic. Then...May 21, 2011 an EF5 tornado hit my town, killing almost 150 and destroying much of the city. It's amazing how you can feel sorry for yourself and then something happens that totally kicks you in the ass and makes you realize it's not all about you. So...I refocused. I pulled out my well worn copy of Atkin's New Diet Revolution and started reading. I decided to jump start ketosis by doing the Fat Fast. I started on Memorial Day and by Friday this week I had lost about 8 lbs and was nicely in ketosis. Now to work on slowly adding in more calories until I'm back into induction levels. I was feeling pretty good about myself, in control and taking care of business.

Then...a very ugly person posted ugly comments about my weight struggles on their blog, along with comments about many of my friends in the low carb community. This person supposedly eats a low carb diet, has been significantly overweight and has struggled to continue with weight loss. Her point I guess was that long term success on low carb for those of us who have been morbidly obese is tough. Duh! Why point fingers and put labels on people? Why not just state your point? Obviously to get attention I suppose. I guess I'm stupid for blogging for myself, and although I would never mind anyone reading my blog it doesn't really bother me if no one does.

My take on the issue of weight goal and maintenance for morbidly obese people? Well, it is really difficult. Morbidly obese people don't really have a "full" button. Low carb definitely helps, as it is more satiating than a low fat diet. It is work not too eat too much in general. Every low carb book I've read says that a low carb dieter should eat until they are satisfied, but not stuffed. When you are or have formerly been, a morbid obese person you are rarely satisfied until you are stuffed. Just a simple fact. I think that's why many of use lose a significant amount and then stop--we simply aren't willing to cut portion sizes to that of a petite person. Ultimately you have to decide what is more important to you and make yourself disciplined enough to follow through. There are setbacks, some small and some large--causing regains. I've lost 100 lbs 3 times in my life and the two times I did it on the standard american diet when I had that large setback, I gained back more than I lost. Guess what? On low carb, after 3 years of maintaining I had a huge setback. I went back to my binging carb laden lifestyle and for about 7 months I stuggled mightily. Am I disappointed in myself? Yes. But I feel a victory here. I gained back 57 lbs, Not 157 lbs. I am back in control. So, no matter what label someone tries to put on me I know what works for me and how I feel.

What advice would I give her if I were so inclined (which I'm not)? If you don't feel like low carb is the best WOE for you why bother? Go back to the SAD. I don't care what you do.

It comes down to this in my opinion: You have to give up fat or you have to give up carbs. The combination is deadly. It's up to each individual to decide what works for them. Period.

Week 1 Post 4th Annual LC Cruise

Well, it's been a week since the 4th annual LC Cruise. Now what?

I'm pleased to say I've had a great week eating wise. Have stayed VLC, high fat all week. Finally successfully into Ketosis. I lost a whopping .4 lbs. Whoopie!

Am I discouraged? Maybe a bit, but as I reflected on what I got from this week I came up with this:

I feel better.

I am in control.

I am hopeful.

I'm not hungry.

I didn't gain weight.

I have purpose.

All, in all a good week non-scale wise. I know this WOE is the best for me, I've done it 4 years now, with the exception of a rough 9 months off and on in 2010. I believe in the science and believe in myself. What more can I ask of myself?

More to come...I'm not going anywhere!

One Day At A Time

Ok, yesterday went great, today has gone well too. Eerily so. Tomorrow I'll be weighing for the first time since returning from the 2011 Low Carb Cruise. I'm trying not to stress about it, since I'm already seeing benefits. My legs have been swelling a lot since I hurt my knee a few months ago. After 2 days LCHF I'm not seeing any swelling or feeling any bloating. Today's question: If you know you are addicted to a substance that does terrible things to your body, why does your brain continue to crave it?

Today's menu:

Breakfast: LC cereal with HWC (3 carbs)
Lunch: Corned beef/butter (0 carbs)
Snack: Corned beef/butter (0 carbs), Starbucks Americano with HWC (2 carbs)
Dinner: T-bone with Bernaise sauce (2-3 carbs)

Addiction: Relapse and Rededication

Ok, it's been over a year since I have blogged. That should be my first clue. No lie, 2010 kicked my butt. If I ever had any doubt that my weight problems are a result of addiction, I have no doubt now. I started a downward spiral with my last blog post. Several things contributed--frustration that the weight wasn't coming off, a couple of visits with Dr. Mary Vernon (who is brilliant by the way) and finding out I was metabolically fit (which should have made me feel better, but instead depressed me greatly as I was looking for a miracle way to get to goal), and my daughter got married, which although a great thing was financially stressful.

So, what did I do? Well, when we went to Vegas for the wedding I decided to "take a week off". This led to a six month carb binge and a 50 some lb gain. Since January 2011 it's been 2 weeks on, 3 weeks off, etc. I, like addicts everywhere, relapsed. I knew it and was powerless to stop it, or so it seemed.

Fast forward to last week. I was dreading so much seeing everyone on the 2011 Low Carb Cruise because I felt like a complete failure. But...I needed to face the music, so I did. It was painful, true. But the support I got from my friends was tremendous. I got back last night and I am committed to rededicating myself to low carb. I feel better when doing low carb, pure and simple. I know it works and I'll be darned if I'm going to allow myself to relapse back to 336 lbs.

I am going the way of the Swedes. Let's see if the extra fat can keep the binge monster away.

So, I'll be blogging...not for anyone but myself.

Today's menu:

2 scrambled eggs in butter (1 carb)
1/4 cup LC hot cereal with butter (0 carbs)

double Cheeseburger with tomato, pickle, onion, mayo and cheese (5 carbs)

egg drop soup with butter (1 carb)

good day so far...

Wish me luck and if you are a prayer, please pray for God to give me strength.

Thought It Was Bad Last Week?

Well, if you post you are disappointed with a 3.2 lb loss one week, be prepared for the worst the next week. This week when I weighed in I actually gained 3.3 lbs! Very frustrating, but such is the nature of the weight loss beast. Some up, some down, etc. I am continuing to do my slow burn workouts, I've relaxed the severe carb restriction for this week and will kick it in again after Easter. What else is there to do? This is a lifetime commitment and if it takes a lifetime to achieve, then so be it. It's the right thing to do.

On the other hand, the slow burn workouts are going well. I'm lifting stronger weights week by week and feeling good about it. Fred assures me the weight will come off so I will continue to fight the fight.

The good news? I'm 2 full weeks with no diet soda. Yay me!

Weigh ins--Literal and Figurative

Okay, I'll admit I had high expectations for my first weigh in post cruise/slow burn revitalization. Imagine my disappointment when I got on the scale and saw a 3.2 lb loss for week one. What? I gave up soda, most cheese, all nuts and what few carbs I had been eating for this? Yup. At one point in the week I was down 5 lbs and thought quite possibly that great things might be in store. Oh well. Such is life and after 3 years on this way of life I've come to expect the unexpected. By the way, my 3 year anniversary of starting Atkins happened while I was on the low carb cruise this year. How cool is that? Too bad I didn't remember until I got home!

So much for the literal. Now onto the figurative weigh in.

I decided to stop in at our diabetes screening booth today. My blood sugar was 97 two hours after breakfast. The diabetes educator told me how good it was. I of course credited my LC lifestyle for saving my life (it's true!) and was told I couldn't do LC long term because it will "ruin" my body. I told her there are many studies out there and schools of thought to which she replied, "I know, that's MY job." Well thanks for nothing! I said something to the effect of To Each His Own, yada, yada but for me it has improved my health drastically. If by "ruining" my body I get no diabetes, no heart disease, no GERD, and am able to maintain my weight then sign me up! It remains to be seen, but I for one will be trusting my instincts--and my body--on this one.